The top of my head shines through my haircut
Even when I brush, shape and style
Top of my head smiles at the young man
Telling me I must have been alive awhile
The top of my head shows up in pictures
Don't it make me look so strange
I guess I only see my used-to-be
And everybody's seen me change
On the top of my head I got a suntan
My top's down for the sunny day
It's so strange to be a grown man
Wonder how I got that way
I can't believe all that time I wasted
Worried 'bout the hair I lack
Sometimes I catch myself lean in the mirror
Wonderin' if it's growing back
Never mind telling me all about distinguished company
Yeah well, well sure it looks great on them
But that's a few great men who made a difference in history
See it only looks right on a great man
With a lifetime of great things done
But time has got tight
It's gotten late, man
I'd like to think that I've just begun
But there's no sense riding in a big black stetson
It's nothing I can hide away
And they say every hair on the head is a counter
But so is every single day, anyway
On the top of my head...
- David Wilcox from the recording East Asheville Hardware
It's 'funny' how songs can mean different things to you at different points in your life. When this came out 13 years ago I thought it pretty funny and I still do yet, now that the years have passed and I find myself coming up on 45 this summer, it has come to have an almost 'biting' and realistic tone. Never had I thought that it would happen but, yes, I am losing some serious hair on the 'Top of My Head'.
Now, I will admit that there may be times, though rare on occasion, that I may have a slight issue with being 'wrong' or losing an argument - maybe even a slight bit stubborn but I've never been accused of being vain. I'm sure many have seen the 'Real Beauty Sketches' promo by Dove going around. If they had brought me in to describe myself my description would have been basically 'fat hispanic dude' and then the one described by the other person would probably have brought about a sketch of Quasimodo and I would not have been surprised. So, it feels doubly odd that 1) I'm losing my hair and 2) that it really bothers me. But, it really does.
At this point I'm not sure what can be done or what I will do. Baldness does not run in my family. It's the last thing I expected. I was all ready for hypertension, vision loss (of which there has been some), high cholesterol, maybe some diabetes - basically all the classics. But hair loss? No. Total curve ball. So, there's an internal struggle that has become part of my daily morning ritual. After showering and in the process of getting ready product goes into my hand and then into my hair. As I start to brush - there it is - right along the part - staring right back at me - taunting me - SCALP! - just behind the few hairs desperately trying to cover it like an elephant trying to cover itself with a washcloth. Try as it might it just can't happen.
So , what are the options? I guess I could become a triathlete and shave my head like so many triathletes. But I hate running. Skinhead? Nah. My wife wouldn't like me getting a motorcycle and I really have no desire to tattoo anything on my neck. Plus, it probably wouldn't jive with my faith. Then there's going for a whole Kojak vibe but I'm probably too old to join the force and make detective. Though I do have many episodes of Law & Order, Columbo, Psych, Castle, White Collar and SVU under my belt. Do you think one can test out based on hours of detective shows? No? Hmmm...I wonder. Well, If that's the case then it's probably too late to take up acting and start hanging out with Willis, Diesel, Stewart (Picard), Statham, Chiklis and Kingsley, huh?
Where does that leave me? To be frank (who I'm sure has hair), I'm not really sure. I guess for now I'll just take it as it comes (or goes would probably be the more appropriate term) and keep trying to be a better me...albeit with less on top of my head.
Oh, and if you'd like to hear the song just listen to it here.